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101 agreements autism autonomy BLM box codependency coming out commitment communication compatibility dude stop funny growth hierarchical I hate rules jealousy light reading long distance mistakes new relationship energy NRE OPP partner poly polyam polyamorous polyamory proscons relationship relationships snark Spotlight stages story time stress sunk cost fallacy the office therapy things that help tool belt toxic toxic traits triads unicorn hunting
- The Complexities Of Compatibility In Communication
Have you ever felt like you’re an excellent communicator in some situations and complete garbage in others? I started to wonder how I could feel extremely adept at communicating in some of my relationships but then feel utterly inept in others. How come all the work I’ve done on setting boundaries, communicating expectations and sharing… Read more: The Complexities Of Compatibility In Communication - Why Are You Staying In That Relationship?
If you’ve ever stayed in a relationship longer than you should have because you had already invested X amount of time into it, please raise your hand. I did. I know many of you did. But why????? Well, we might have found ourselves stuck in the: Sunk Cost Fallacy Before I dive into the Sunk… Read more: Why Are You Staying In That Relationship? - Ok, But What Even Is A Partner?
“Yes, hi. Excuse me. How many partners do you have?” Wait. What do you mean by partners? Work partners, business partners, class project partners, dance partners, life partners, etc. There’s many kinds of partners! Partner only has 2 definitions in the dictionary: noun either of a pair of people engaged together in the same activity.“arrange… Read more: Ok, But What Even Is A Partner? - Finding Compatibility In The Dense Forest of NRE
Do you remember being a kid and trying to make new friends? If you met someone and found out you liked the same ice cream flavor or shared a favorite Power Ranger, you decided at that moment you were destined to be friends. It was almost magical. Since humans have thrived for thousands of years… Read more: Finding Compatibility In The Dense Forest of NRE - The Pros and Cons of Polyamory – Version 1
Version 1 of some Polyamory Pros and Cons. Thanks to my friends who helped contribute to this. Everyone has a unique experience with polyamory so opinions on something like this will vary. Feel free to share anything you think is definitely missing! Click here for text version of list. - The Box That Doesn’t Fit
Story Time! It’s 11PM and the lights are off. Taylor is laying in bed next to her partner Jordan. Taylor lays there with nothing but the darkness of night and her own thoughts. Taylor rubs her own shoulders and neck hoping to dissolve away the pain from the day. Taylor didn’t do anything different today… Read more: The Box That Doesn’t Fit - Giving Away Free Mistakes!
Since starting on my polyamorous journey I’ve made mistakes. I’ve hurt people. I’ve surely been viewed as toxic by some people. I struggle to always find the perfect balance and I still don’t get it right every time. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I’m human. I think that’s an important thing we need… Read more: Giving Away Free Mistakes! - Hello. My Name is Lucas. I’m a Recovering People Pleaser.I did something a little different this time. This feels really vulnerable but I like making myself uncomfortable because that’s how we grow. 🙂 Enjoy!
- Dear Current or Future Employers
Dear Employer, My name is Lucas Weeks, I’m polyamorous and I am in love with more than one person. That’s it, the cat is officially out of the bag. I started this blog 8 months ago and I kept my name out of everything on it since I started it. I felt the need to… Read more: Dear Current or Future Employers - Neurodivergent Dating in Polyamory
Patterns are totally my thing. I’m really good at recognizing patterns. In fact, I taught myself to play piano at a young age. Not because I’m musically inclined but because the piano keys are a beautiful pattern of black and white that make pretty sounds. I liked matching the patterns up with the pictures on… Read more: Neurodivergent Dating in Polyamory - Deprogramming Monogamy
I’ve been thinking recently about how I’m 6 years deep into learning about polyamory and living it everyday, yet, I still find myself on monogamous thought tracks. Wwwwhhhhhyyyyy? I thought I was done with monogamy and had deprogrammed every part out of it out of my brain. Why is it still there? Deprogramming your brain… Read more: Deprogramming Monogamy - I Need To Tell You Something…
Dear Person I Care About Very Much, This letter was sent to you because I need to tell you something that’s very scary to share. While these aren’t my words, this is still very much my truth. Please read this all the way through and reserve judgement until you fully understand what I’m trying to… Read more: I Need To Tell You Something… - Today’s Polyamory Reminder
I know my blog went quiet for a few months. I didn’t want to take up space with my blog at a time when there are so many bigger things happening in our country. My thoughts on polyamory felt miniscule compared to all that was going on. I could sit here and tell you that… Read more: Today’s Polyamory Reminder - An Open Letter To You Polyamorous Heathens
Dear Polyamorist, This letter is for all you polyamorous heathens out there. To everyone that lurks in the shadows and is damaging society and all the arbitrary constructs we were raised to believe. I’m going to tell you all the reasons why what you’re doing is bad and why you should stop. This isn’t just… Read more: An Open Letter To You Polyamorous Heathens - How Do I Know If I’m Hunting Unicorns?
Unicorn Hunting, in the most simplest terms, is the act of an established couple specifically looking for a bisexual person to join their existing relationship. It’s usually considered Unicorn Hunting when the existing couple hasn’t done the work to disentangle their current relationship enough to see themselves as unique individuals. It’s widely seen as… Read more: How Do I Know If I’m Hunting Unicorns? - Gatekeeping in Polyamory
Well… I did it. I reached that point in my polyam journey where it finally happened. I completely lost touch. I turned into that grumpy old man telling people to get off my lawn. However, in this scenario, the lawn was polyamory. Yup, I became one of those gatekeepers to polyamory. I’m really sad because… Read more: Gatekeeping in Polyamory - 5 Stages of Polyamory With The Office
This one is just for fun. Everyone’s journey is different but surely you can relate to one of these stages. Stage 1 – OH SNAP! This is a thing?!?!?!?! You just learned that this is a thing that lots of people do. You are beside yourself. You immediately start to envision a future where your… Read more: 5 Stages of Polyamory With The Office - Polyamory Tool Belt – Managing A Jealousy Crisis
Welcome back to another segment of Polyamory Tool Belt. I’m going to be giving you some tips on things you can do during a jealousy crisis. Before I get too far into this I want to express the importance of reaching out to someone if you’re thinking about hurting yourself. Jealousy compounded with severe… Read more: Polyamory Tool Belt – Managing A Jealousy Crisis - Thanks Polyamory! It Has Been Fun!
I’ve been thinking… What if polyamory is just a phase for me? What if it was just a mechanism to manage my fear of commitment? A vessel for validation? Well, if you’re reading this and are thinking “I knew it!” I have to let you know that I’m not actually wondering those things. My brain… Read more: Thanks Polyamory! It Has Been Fun! - Rules Vs. Agreements – Part I
Welcome to Rules Vs Agreement Series Part I! I hope to hear from my friends and other polyam folks who have good examples for future parts to this series. Feel free to send them my way! Rules come up a lot in my posts. If you’ve read any of my posts that reference rules you… Read more: Rules Vs. Agreements – Part I - No, She Doesn’t Want to See Your Dick
When you’re in the world of polyamory for a handful of years and spend time on various forums, you start to see the same conversations over and over. Hard topics hashed out with no clear winners. One of the debates I see pretty consistently starts with a post like this: This triggers a back and… Read more: No, She Doesn’t Want to See Your Dick - Why I’m Not Down With The OPP
I’m not talking about the same OPP from the 90’s song by Naughty by Nature. I’m talking about something different. It’s something that plagues the polyamory community and is widely seen as unethical. The OPP I’m not down with is the One Penis Policy. If you want to see how this policy can cause problems… Read more: Why I’m Not Down With The OPP - How Polyamory Fixed my Fear of Commitment
You may be wondering why there’s a picture of rocking chairs from Cracker Barrel. I’ll get there so you can understand why. But first, we need to start 15 years ago. It was 2005, I was 21 years old and was engaged to the woman of my dreams. I was so excited, but despite my… Read more: How Polyamory Fixed my Fear of Commitment - 3 Invasive Species in the Relationship Ecosystem
Do you remember in grade school when your science teacher told you to think of human cells like little cities? City walls, city streets, recycling plants and all that fun stuff. Ever since then I would make all kinds of comparisons to better organize and understand things. It doesn’t even surprise me a little bit… Read more: 3 Invasive Species in the Relationship Ecosystem - The Jealousy Mind Flayer
Someone shared this with you – likely because they know you are struggling with jealousy in your journey of polyamory. They want you to know that they understand what it’s like to feel insecure. They know it’s hard to think about your partner with another person – even if it’s just spending time away with… Read more: The Jealousy Mind Flayer - Polyamory Tool Belt – 4×4 Yes TestHere is a simple 4×4 Yes Test. Four simple rules and four simple questions. You’re not done with the test until you can answer yes to the 4 questions. If you’re checking in with your partner(s) regularly, the whole thing should take less than 10 minutes. This test leverages the power of good communication and… Read more: Polyamory Tool Belt – 4×4 Yes Test
- Walls – My Hidden Toxic TraitBefore polyamory, I was a serial monogamist and had been in a few long term relationships starting from when I was 17. If you exclude all my middle school and high school relationships (can we even REALLY call them all relationships?) then I have not dated much at all as an adult. In a lot… Read more: Walls – My Hidden Toxic Trait
- The Confusing World of HierarchyI’m going to be talking about hierarchy a lot in this article. It’s a tricky topic so before I start, let’s start with the definition: What is hierarchy? Hierarchy – a system or organization in which people or groups are ranked one above the other according to status or authority. Is this something that happens… Read more: The Confusing World of Hierarchy
- The Polyamory Rule BookI’ve spent countless hours working on this. When I started my journey I had always wished there was a rule book for polyamory. Monogamy seems to have pretty clearly defined rules, why can’t polyamory? Well here it is. Finally. A rule book for polyamory: Rule #1: Treat the people you care about with basic human… Read more: The Polyamory Rule Book
- Hello From The Other SideTW ~ Emotional/Mental Abuse Wait? The other side of what? What does that even mean? Well, I’m not dead and this isn’t a pop song or a Netflix original series. This is real life. We are all on the other side of something, right? You might be on the other side of college, cancer or… Read more: Hello From The Other Side
- You Want to Be Polyamorous? – Buckle Up!Are you married or in a long-term committed relationship and want to explore polyamory? If so, here is a short guide for getting started. If not, enjoy this anyways. Be prepared for some hard truths, a little humor and a touch of loving encouragement. Before we begin: If you want to find a “third” to… Read more: You Want to Be Polyamorous? – Buckle Up!
- An Open Letter to Those Who Feel Attacked in PolyamoryI enjoy lurking on facebook polyamory pages and reading the discussions people have. I’ve been doing it since the start of my journey over 5 years ago. Having been doing it for so long I started to notice patterns. I would watch people who were new to polyamory and just looking for some advice be… Read more: An Open Letter to Those Who Feel Attacked in Polyamory
- OMG It’s Me!Hey everyone! Lucas here. I enjoy writing down thoughts about polyamory and relationships and sharing with friends. Since they are my friends and are nice, they tell me they like the things I share. I have a handful of things I have written but haven’t edited and finalized so I will be working on those… Read more: OMG It’s Me!