The Box That Doesn’t Fit
Story Time!
It’s 11PM and the lights are off. Taylor is laying in bed next to her partner Jordan. Taylor lays there with nothing but the darkness of night and her own thoughts. Taylor rubs her own shoulders and neck hoping to dissolve away the pain from the day. Taylor didn’t do anything different today than she does any other day to cause the soreness. The self massage is part of the normal nightly routine for her. See, Taylor happens to live in a box where the ceilings stand at 5 1/2 feet tall yet Taylor is 5’ 11”. A whole 5 inches taller than the ceiling. Her partner Jordan is 5’ 4” and doesn’t understand why she gripes so much about her neck and shoulders. What’s interesting is that about half of the people she knows don’t quite fit in their boxes. Some only have to slouch mildly to get around and others, like Jordan, walk freely around the boxes with hardly any thought of how low the ceilings are. Taylor thinks short ceilings in a box is normal because she grew up being told that everyone’s box is short and that’s just the way it is. Taylor had this nagging feeling that she wasn’t meant to be in this box but, again, everyone around her told her it was normal. Taylor has been there so long that she has resigned herself to this just being how life is. A perpetual existence in a place that she didn’t quite fit. Taylor feels like her very basic needs are being met so she should just be happy and appreciative for having her very own box. Taylor closes her eyes and starts to fall asleep as the dull ache fades.
Taylor opens her eyes to a new day. She stretches as far as her body will allow knowing that being horizontal is the only way she can stretch her whole body at once. She reaches over to put her hand on Jordan to feel his presence but he has already gone to another part of the box. Taylor stumbles out of bed and keeps her head low. She makes her way to the bathroom and sits down on the toilet. She rolls her head around her neck several times taking in the small moment of the day where she is relieved from the slouching caused by the low ceilings of her box. Just as she finishes up her morning routine, she hears her phone buzz from the next room over. Taylor wonders who in the world would be calling her this early. The doors being even shorter than the ceiling plus her morning muscles cause her to stumble through the door and fall on her knees. All she can think is “Why are the doors so small????” She thinks about such things regularly but never really actually tries to answer her own questions. That’s just the way life is.
She picks up her phone from her nightstand and sees it’s her little brother Nick. Hardly little, Nick is 6’ 1” and much like Taylor is considered a giant in a society where their boxes were built for others but not for them. Nick still lives at home and hasn’t been able to get his own box to live in yet. He’s anxious to get his own box and has been doing a ton of research. He tells Taylor that while doing research he found that boxes exist with 8’ ceilings. He told her that people actually live in these boxes and it’s the real deal. He can’t contain his excitement and Taylor can feel his smile through the phone. Taylor laughs almost feeling embarrassed for his naivety. She tells him it’s probably a scam and to not get his hopes up. She’s never heard of such a thing and feels like there’s no way that actually exists. Surely she would have heard of it if it did. She tells him even if it does, it’s not how people live. She could feel Nick’s smile fade through the phone. She can tell he feels defeated but she really didn’t want him to get hopes up. She tells him she has to start her day and ends the call.
Taylor sits down on the bed staring at the wall. Minutes pass as she just continues to stare blankly at the wall. She thinks to herself “That has to be a scam, right? Nobody actually lives in a box with 8 foot ceilings.” She’s almost in shock. She picks up her phone and calls her friend Alex. She apologizes for calling so early and tells Alex about her conversation with Nick. Taylor is looking for Alex to confirm that no such box exists and that it’s just a scam. Alex is barely 5’ and the thought of 8’ ceilings in a box seems unreal to her. Alex tells Taylor that humans aren’t meant to live in boxes with 8’ ceilings. Alex whispers to Taylor, almost as if she’s afraid someone might hear, “It’s just wrong and unnatural.” Taylor asks Alex what makes her say that. Alex simply says “That’s just the way it is and it’s been that way for a long time.”
It’s several days later and Taylor can’t stop thinking about boxes that have 8’ ceilings. She’s laying in bed rubbing her neck and shoulders. Tall ceilings are consuming her every waking thought and have even been creeping into her dreams. Her life would just make a lot more sense in a box with 8’ ceilings. Is she selfish? Lots of other people are living with short ceilings just fine. If half the people out there don’t fit under the current 5 1/2 foot ceilings then why is everyone living in boxes with 5 1/2 foot ceilings? Is there a logical reason? A biological reason? She has so many questions. Is she just weird and broken for thinking that her life would be better living in a box that she actually fits in?
She turns to Jordan, ready to talk about what’s been on her mind. She’s terrified of his reaction after talking to Alex and being treated like there was something seriously wrong with her. She takes a deep breath and nervously blurts out the question. She asks Jordan how he would feel about maybe looking into getting a box with 8’ ceilings. Jordan is immediately defensive. “Are you not happy?” he asks. “Is our box not good enough for you?” he chides. He can’t fathom wanting taller ceilings when he’s perfectly happy. Taylor just kind of laughs to play it off as a joke. She told him Nick told her about boxes with taller ceilings but it’s probably just a scam and she’s never even seen such a thing. Taylor lays her head on the pillow staring at the same wall she lost herself in after talking to Nick. She’s beating herself up for even considering it. She feels incredibly selfish and embarrassed that she even brought it up. She is convinced that something is wrong with her and she’s actually just broken.
Taylor spends the rest of her life only being able to imagine what it would be like to live inside a box that she fit in. She doesn’t fully understand why she can’t. All she knows is that society says she’s not supposed to live in that box. She tries to rationalize it by trying to figure out why society says she can’t live in that box. She never finds her answer. She never understands. She grows old and dies in the box that doesn’t fit.
I know that wasn’t an ideal ending. It’s actually kind of sad, right?
This is how it can go for a lot of people who learn about polyamory and want to explore it (or replace polyamory with anything society deems wrong with no explanation). I truly believe some people can be genuinely happy in a monogamous relationship. It’s just the way their brain is wired. The same way Taylor’s DNA decided her height. Some people are perfectly content with exploring a single close intimate connection while others crave a deep-romantic-meaningful connection with more than one person. Sadly, society has only given the stamp of approval for the monogamy box. Anything that deviates from monogamy is considered sinful and should not exist.
I wrote this for anyone who has learned that polyamory was a thing but felt stuck by a partner, friends, career, family or just society in general. I know when I first learned about polyamory it seemed 100% unobtainable. Much like Taylor, my mind was completely blown when I learned about this thing I never knew existed. I learned about polyamory and then I sat on it for several months before bringing it up to my partner at the time. It was scary and I beat myself up a lot. To be who I am and be polyamorous I had to fight for it because it was something I wanted. I lost people, I got hurt and I hurt others. I had to make a lot of hard decisions but I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to live in a box that doesn’t feel right for you. It’s hard and scary to leave the only box you’ve known for so long but the feeling of living an authentic life is like no other.